the stars who gazed back
by ohmytheon
Summary: After having his fatal wounds cauterized with flame alchemy, Havoc and his daemon flitter between life and death, but as long as he looks to the night sky, he knows that someone is watching over him.


**Author's Notes:** Dedicated to **stupidsexymustang** , who is one of my favorite authors and people. Set during that episode in which every single one of us screamed out in horror and realized how much we loved Jean Havoc.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing EXCEPT FOR MY PAIN.

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 _the stars who gazed back_

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It's cold and dark and terribly wet. That's the first thing he notices upon coming to after passing out twice in a matter of minutes. There is absolutely nothing comforting about this hellhole. If not for the excruciating pain in back and stomach, Havoc would think that he's dead.

The only source of light, as it stands, is the shimmering, golden Dust bleeding out of his Hiroko. He doesn't know where it's seeping out of her from in drizzled streaks, but the Dust slips around him, curling around the puddles of blood and water. They don't mix well. Different consistencies. He's never noticed that before, but then it's never mattered. The few times when Hiroko has bled Dust and blood, he was never hurt too. Maybe daemon Dust doesn't mix with human blood well.

Hiroko stands over him, eyes alert as possible in the dark. There's so much Dust settled in her fur that she's practically glowing, but it's still barely enough to see in the dark room. Havoc couldn't say how long he's been out, except Mustang and Shula aren't in the room with them anymore. He dimly remembers Mustang grunting and growling in pain on the other side of the room and Shula's heavy pants, but he was so focused on the fact that he was bleeding out and Hiroko was whimpering at his side to pay attention to what was going on.

Reaching a shaky hand up, Havoc weakly pats Hiroko on her flank. She swings a head to look back at him, the action causing Dust to flicker in the air. He wants to tell her to stop, order her to lay down, because she can't afford to lose anymore, but he doesn't have the strength. He feels utterly drained.

 _I shouldn't be alive,_ he thinks in a moment of clarity.

"Hush with that." Hiroko's voice is light as a feather. He wonders if she can manage more than that. She's shaking ever so slightly, enough to let him know that she's fading. She licks some blood off his face. He's laying in his own blood. She avoids the serious wounds. They feel like fire, but he can't move. When he tries to pull himself up into the sitting position, she moves to stand over his chest and keep him down, but it doesn't matter. He can't move his legs for the life of him. He's spent and feels torn between sleeping for ten years or howling in pain. In the end, he doesn't have the energy to howl and he can't let himself sleep.

He's back to fading in and out of complete darkness again when voices drift from down the hallway, tiny beams of light bouncing around frantically. He wants to call out to them, but instead lies there uselessly, fingers splashing in the water as he fights to stay awake.

"Down here!" Hiroko calls for him, ignoring the taboo of daemons speaking directly to other humans. She's speaking for him, after all, saying the words that she can hear in his mind. She stands, wagging her tail and glimmering with excitement - or maybe it's the Dust. Her coat is golden like Shula's at this point. It's gorgeous.

As the paramedics splash into the room, Havoc falls back into unconsciousness, Hiroko swaying over him, determinedly standing on her feet and pleading, "Help us."

By the time Havoc comes back to, he's in a stretcher being led out of the building, Hiroko curled up at his side, her head lying at the top of his chest. It's built to where it will fit a human and a large daemon. People in his state of injury sometimes can't survive losing contact with their daemons. It still wouldn't fit Mustang and Shula. The paramedics are going to have a hell of a time with those two.

When Havoc slides his fingers through Hiroko's fur, more golden Dust slips from her and down his fingers. It feels like less than a tingle, as if it's barely there, but he knows that his Hiroko is made up of something. She's more than just air. He can tell that from the weight of her head on his chest and the hot breath from her mouth. Her eyes are closed. He thinks she's asleep, having exhausted herself staying awake to watch over and protect him while he fought to live. Getting mortally stabbed and then having the wounds cauterized by alchemy is enough to kill anyone, and yet he's alive. She's alive. Bleeding but alive.

Without any sense of direction, the moment the two of them are wheeled out of the building, Havoc's eyes are immediately drawn to the sky. He can't look at Hiroko bleeding gold. If he keeps doing that, he doesn't know what he'll do. She's coming apart at the seams in his eyes and he wants to cry out to the paramedics (put her back, you have to put her back), but he can't do anything. So his eyes go to the dark sky in search of an answer - and then he sees it.

Havoc would never confess to being much of an astronomer. When he was a kid, he visited a planetarium a few times for school trips and he fell asleep every time. He woke up when the lights were turned on, his teacher scowling at him as his snores hadn't been very inconspicuous. Not that he hadn't appreciated looking up at them at night in the country. They were real bright back home where he grew up and the North Star always helped him find his way home when he got lost in the woods, peeking out from behind leaves and clouds like a shy friend. But he didn't stop to miss the stars once he moved to the city.

Now, at officially the darkest moment in his life, Havoc looks up and sees those three gleaming stars lined up in a neat row. He can't say how it's the first thing he lays his eyes on when he gazes up, but there they are, gazing down on him in return. Orion's belt. He remembers that from the times right before he fell asleep on those school trips, if only because he was reminded by someone very important.

Orion. Rebecca's daemon. The most gorgeous cat daemon he's ever seen in his life.

 _Asiatic wildcat,_ Hiroko grumbles, her voice tiny in his mind like back when they were kids. _He's particular about that._

Havoc smiles faintly as he rubs her head. Hiroko's right, of course. Orion hates it when people confuse him with a regular housecat. He's prouder than that. Deserves the proper attention though, considering how stunning he is. Stubborn to a fault too. It reminds Havoc of the constellation. No matter what, Orion's Belt always deamands to be seen, the first constellation that he ever notices. He can hear Orion now telling him off, saying that he should've been paying more attention, reprimanding him for letting his guard down - all the while rubbing against Hiroko nervously and trying to lick the Dust away. Orion cares more than he likes to let on.

It doesn't matter that they ended on bad terms - doesn't matter if Havoc didn't have a choice and, damnit, it was for the greater good - doesn't matter that he was trying to date someone else (who turned out to be a bloody monster) - because it has only been Rebecca in his mind for so long. Hiroko would barely look at Solaris, mad at Havoc for trying to move on so quickly, and felt jittery around the woman's "daemon" and for good nature. He should've listened to her. He should've listened to Rebecca. He should've listened to Orion's Belt, glowing over them like a warning.

No, not a warning - a reminder, a glow of hope, a reason to live.

He's delirious, of course, his mind drifting hazily from the blood loss and severe burns on his back and chest, but he can't help get the feeling that as long as Orion's Belt is hanging over him, he's safe. It's like Rebecca and Orion are watching them from afar. He can close his eyes and hear her giggle in the dark whenever he would reach to tickle her in bed. She's alive and warm somewhere and that's all that matters. She and Orion are keeping an eye on them from above, and they'll be alright as long as those stars don't fall from the sky.

 _I want to see them again,_ Hiroko says dimly, her eyes drooping as she licks him.

"We will," Havoc tells her. It's a promise. Havoc never lies to his daemon.


End file.
